just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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