i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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