Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
