5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
