I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
