Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
