they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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