is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
