she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
