positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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