it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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