I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
