LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
