what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
