cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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