I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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