Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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