About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize