I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
