I cockslap morals
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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