sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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