No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
third nipple confirmed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize