come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
