Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
