I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
