I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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