Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
