Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
