I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think your dad took our porno
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize