cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
