I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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