Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
