I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
