They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The power of my boobs compel you
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