she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
