you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
