I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
