I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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