he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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