all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
