Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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