he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
