His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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