Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
