So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
