She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she peed on how many people?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize