atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
