Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
