Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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