I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
