Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
