I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
