she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
