Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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