Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I AM VODKA MAN
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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