I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize