Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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