so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
