Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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