My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
being pregnant is like rehab
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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