Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
