3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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