Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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