i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how does that bad decision feel?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
