he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
