i wish peter jackson would direct porn
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
