just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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