I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
