pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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