so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
