I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
