I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this boner is exhausting
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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