Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
40s are totally the cure
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
