Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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