Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
